Recently a friend posted a YouTube video link on Facebook that got a lot of attention.
People were talking about crying watching it, having a lump in their throat, being so moved by the power of love and perseverance. I didn’t watch it though. I couldn’t quite tell what the video was about, and the thumbnail image was a bit blurred and all I could see was what appeared to be a heartfelt embrace between two people with perhaps one person in tears.
That was enough for me to not watch it.
I am a sensitive soul.
Emotional imprints make permanent impressions. Add vivid imagery and those thoughts will constantly bombard me, and I’ll see those images everywhere. The reaction they invoke can be quite visceral as well.
In 2006 a co-worker sent me an email about not taking things for granted. What she didn’t tell me were that the embedded images were very graphic photos showing people literally starving to death. Photos of human beings at death’s door too weak to plead for release or abandoning their humanity in such primal, desperate attempts at survival that I have never spoken them. For me, doing so would rob them of what minuscule dignity was left them in their final days.
This is the first time I’ve articulated that moment. In four years.
So yes I am a sensitive soul.
I used to make apologies for it. Try to “toughen up” even though life through me enough foul balls for me to be absolutely sure within myself that my toughness was indisputable.
I fight the lump in my throat and think about my son, hoping that if he ever sees this, that he thinks about me. That he knows that I would be there. That I AM there.
And I think about all the parents out there running this race like Derek. You start off with confidence and optimism and you work hard at this thing called parenting. And some days you feel like just giving up. You stop and wonder at the world rushing by and wonder where you went wrong.
Nicole is outspoken, a mother of 3 and a bit of a nerd. Pushing 40, passionate about family, she lives in Trinidad & Tobago with her husband, pre-school daughter and 2 tween sons. Trying to master this parenting thing, this rebel has found her cause.
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