Absent Minded Mama, or 3 Signs you Need to Slow It Down!
Somewhere in my childhood I was told that “Boredom is a state of mind”. It was probably drummed into my enterprising young mind by some well-meaning teacher back in the pre-videogame and cable-tv days here in Trinidad, and clearly it took hold, because I could always find ways to keep myself occupied.
- Paint T-shirts and sell them to friends – check.
- Crochet and beaded chokers, bracelets and necklaces for sale and as gifts – check.
- Teach myself to play the guitar, and practice for hours on end – check. (Eric Clapton, you are still my hero!)
- Adventure with BFFs to picnic on the mountainside, or beaches near and far – check.
I was constantly busy, and it was a badge of honour to me. “Boredom is just a state of mind” was my mantra and response to teenaged friends complaining of having nothing to do (Oh the dagger eyes I must have gotten behind my back!).
Many years later Motherhood came knocking, and I welcomed her in with open arms and a wink, fully prepared to work hard at this business of “busyness” she was bringing my way. I knew it was going to be a lot, but look at the rewards! How could you NOT embrace it?
What I didn’t expect was how sleep deprivation can drive you to tears (this is NOTHING like college!). Or how fears of what world we’d be leaving the next generation would take over my mind, squeezing into what little space was not completed devoted to making sure the kids were safe, and well-fed, and encouraged to learn, and loved.
Most of all loved.
And passion for something you love can motivate you like nothing else can. It gives you purpose and committment, helping you juggle all the balls Life throws at you with ease.
The trouble is, you get so used to juggling, you think you can always fit in one more ball.
How can you tell when you have too many balls in the air? Well here are 3 examples from my own life.
3. Habit Hello aka Revolving Respects.
My brain is so detached from what I’m doing, because it’s already onto the next task on the To-Do list, that I get caught in one of those annoying cycles:
“Hey. How are ya?”
“Good! How are you?”
“I’m fine. How you doing?”
**crickets** (ahem. quick exit stage right)
2. Lights, Darks and Pasta.
One night while putting away the towels, I somehow managed to put my dinner on top of the pile of newly-washed and folded towels. I sat down to eat and couldn’t for the life of me remember where I had put my own plate. A round of “find Mom’s dinner” ensued, much to the entertainment of the rest of the family.
1. I am Legend Grandma.
If I were in one of those zombie movies, I wouldn’t be the female version of Will Smith, I’d be the damn zombie. Nodding off at the keyboard in the middle of typing up an email or doing some research is sadly, quite the norm.
I’m busier now than I could have ever dreamed as a teenager and while I have no desire to turn back the clock, perhaps there are some things I could learn from teenaged me.
5. Relationships are important.
Need I say more?
4. Leisure time is not optional. Neither is sleep.
Research suggests that sleep deprivation may increase the risk of developing diabetes and high blood pressure, in turn increasing health risks to the brain. Vicious cycle. On the other hand, we’re finding out more and more about the benefits of adequate sleep.
3. Be present in the moment.
When I look back at the type of activities I was involved in back then, they all allowed for a certain amount of meditation. I was fully tuned in to what I was doing, and distractions were shut out. I wasn’t thinking about the next thing… just about enjoying what I was doing right at that moment.
2. Take time out for you.
This should go without saying, but many mothers get into the habit of neglecting to spend time on themselves. We get into a cycle of perpetual sacrifice. And while that might be ok when we’re talking giving up a Spa Weekend so that the money could be used on say healthcare and groceries, putting yourself consistently last is not good for anyone. I don’t need to sell you on the benefits of this one. Call it a sanity-break (or insanity break) but just go out there and do it.
1. Learn to say No.
I struggled with this one as a teenager, and as an adult. But back then, the rebellious side of me would absolutely refuse to go along with anything that I knew in my gut to be a bad idea. As Moms we tend to want to accomodate, but you know what? Not only can you not do it all, but it makes no sense to try to do so!
It’s like the story of the old man, the young boy and the donkey walking through town. No matter which way they rode the donkey (old man alone, young man alone, both together) onlookers grumbled that they were doing it wrong. Eventually, they tried the only thing they hadn’t tried – both of them carrying the donkey down the road. As they came to a river and tried to cross the bridge, the donkey fell over and drowned. Moral: You’re never going to please everyone, and if you try, you may as well kiss your a$$ goodbye. 
Do you need to slow down? I’d love to hear your stories…
(Inspired by this post at Nifer Musings)
11 Responses to “Absent Minded Mama, or 3 Signs you Need to Slow It Down!”
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About Me
A 30-ish mother of 3 and unintentional entrepreneur, I started my own IT Consultancy firm after layoffs at my old job. I balance the world of Corporate IT with my life as Manager of the education, health and well-being of my children.
Blogging from the Caribbean, I give tech advice to moms and write about raising 3 kids under 10, one of whom has been diagnosed with Aspergers.
yes, yes, and yes! you are such a wise woman! I just had the conversation yesterday with my therapist about learning to say no… one of these days I will get good at it. xo
How is it that I did not remember already commenting on this post? Yikes–maybe that should be my sign of my absent mindedness? yikes.
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Lol. That’s funny. I guess it really resonates with you huh!