Raising Children without a Parenting Manual

Writer’s Workshop – The One(s) that got away

Posted by Nicole on Oct 2nd, 2009 in writers workshop | 0 comments

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I read somewhere that 2 out of 5 people end up marrying their first love. I don’t know how true that is, but I can’t imagine what my life would have been like if I had married my first. Or my second for that matter. Or maybe what I mean to say is that I can, and that I think I’d be miserable.

Can you remember your first love? I don’t mean your first boy/girl friend. I mean the first time you fell in love. The heady days of waiting for the phone to ring, talking for hours, heart pounding bliss. For those of you who chose well, and have ended up happily married to that first love – you have a wonderful love story. For me, I chose someone who was more in love with himself than he was with me. We stayed together for years, and when things were good they were great. But when they were bad… they were devastating. We would be together for four years before I had enough and called it quits. For good this time. And then even afterward there was that tension between us. I would be married with kids for years before seeing him didn’t make me think of “us”.

You see, the problem with us was that it was never just the two of us in our relationship. Turns out he was a bit of a Casanova. Listen up girls, trust your instincts. In my experience, when that bomb is dropped, 9 times out of 10 it isn’t fully a surprise. Once I knew for sure that that trust was broken, I decided I didn’t want to live the rest of my life wondering if it was going to be broken again.

It’s not like he initiated the disclosure. I got a call from his grandmother, who I loved as if she was my own. She thought I deserved better and needed to know what little she knew. It was enough. I was glad for the closure, but couldn’t honestly see him changing. And wanted more for me. Ten years later, he’s still living the same life. And I think of how lonely and bitter my life would have been.

There are some men who take kindness for weakness. And they believe that because we forgive with our whole hearts for the sake of love, that that understanding can be counted on. As if it’s a trait, not a choice. I continued the streak with love #2 – the romantic. Also a Casanova, he did actually believe in love. While it lasted, he gave me memories that I will never forget. Moonlit drives following the moon. Stopping in the middle of a street fair at a Jimmy Buffet performance and dancing. But he loved the way I made him feel, more than he loved me. Having had my heart broken once before, I was more cautious with him, and I never lost my objectivity. He thought he would marry me, and so did his mom. I knew there was no Happily Ever After at the end of that road. He’s married now with two kids and his marriage has been on the verge of divorce a few times that I know of. He is committed to his marriage and making it work, and he has gone through some real soul searching. I’ve done my part to hit him over the head (with words) to show him the error of his ways. I think of his wife and know that I couldn’t have chosen that life, and my heart goes out to her.

But God had a different plan for me. And He thought that I deserved someone who would love me for me, and who would be my best friend and my partner. The person I want to retire to a little hillside cottage with to spend my days with. He is a better person than I am, and he gives me something to look up to. Who constantly amazes me with his faith in me. Who is honest and hardworking, and just gets my work ethic. Who is my partner in life and in faith, and makes me laugh, and every day is better because he is by my side. I should thank God daily for the ones that got away.

This post was inspired by prompt #3 of Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. Go check her out for more of today’s submissions. Or better yet, write one yourself!