Small victory
A year ago I was stuck in a job I used to love, battling the prejudices career women face when they decide to have a family. I worked hard to get where I was – Senior Management at a well-connected Financial Services company. I developed a reputation for expecting excellence – from my team, from my vendors, but most of all from myself. I took broken messes and turned them into well oiled machines. I was good at it, and I got my satisfaction not from any accolades (if you’re in IT in the business world, you know you only hear about us when things are broken!) but from knowing that we took insurmountable odds and triumphed time and again. I was lucky to have a special team of really talented individuals and I was dedicated to them, and we became like a family. And I expected what would happen when I became pregnant.
I was known for my “second shift”, getting up to work from home at 2am while my family slept, so that I didn’t have to sacrifice my family time with them when I got home from work. It was how I managed it, and it was fine with me, and I wasn’t looking for brownie points for it. Despite this, I started to get hints that I was not committed to the company. I had a really tough pregnancy with my daughter, and I would sometimes be too sick to go into work. Unless you have experienced it, there is no way to relate to you how terrible round-the-clock nausea and vomiting are. So checking email was sometimes out of the question. I was told in no uncertain terms that my actions were demonstrating that I was no longer committed to the company. As a result of what was happening with me, Senior Managers were actually a new credo. Our new vision. It was a hierarchy of our commitments as the leaders of the company. Family was 3rd on that list. Initially my colleagues were startled, and pretty soon it was clear that I was being targeted. Privately, I had much support. Publicly, some questions were asked, but there was very little confrontation since everyone was afraid for their own jobs. There is much much more, but we’ll save that for another time.
The point is, at some point, I found my situation to be enough. I had enough of the bitterness and chose not to sue for the most blatant wrongful dismissal and prejudice. I couldn’t do that, and raise my baby. The stress had taken a toll on me, and one after another health concerns were developing. I started having debilitating anxiety attacks. I had a choice to fight this thing, or turn around and focus on my family. I prayed a lot and I wavered. A. Lot. And I chose not to go through a prolonged court battle with a billionaire.
I say this today, because I am at peace. Yes, I feel some validation when my old colleagues tell me that it’s gone to crap and on shaky terrain now. And when I hear that companies are being sold off. And when I hear junior staff say that everything I predicted would happen has. But I’m sad too. Because instead of battling me and dismissing my ideas, my boss should have been engaging me.
Listen up men. We get pregnant. We don’t get stupid. There’s no correlation there. Take a biology course. Wise up.
But that’s not the real reason I’m at peace. I am at peace knowing I made the right decision. I am free to spend more time with my loved ones. With a husband right by my side who supported me, and kept me sane. With a father who loved me enough to be supportive and encouraging on the phone, and who hid the anger he really felt, knowing it couldn’t help me. With a mother who loves me with her all. With my boys who rubbed my back when I was vomiting, and rubbed my feet and back when I couldn’t walk. And with my fearless little girl, who unknowingly propelled me into change.
They’re small on your list, boss. But I wouldn’t trade them for a thing.
5 Responses to “Small victory”
Leave a Reply
About Me
A 30-ish mother of 3 and unintentional entrepreneur, I started my own IT Consultancy firm after layoffs at my old job. I balance the world of Corporate IT with my life as Manager of the education, health and well-being of my children.
Blogging from the Caribbean, I give tech advice to moms and write about raising 3 kids under 10, one of whom has been diagnosed with Aspergers.
So glad you were able financially to make that decision let go of the job and the bitterness to be with your family. They are your top priority, too bad bosses don't get that.
Congrats on your SITS day!
Good for you for stepping above that! You did get the better end of the deal didnt ya? Stopping by from SITS! Hope you have a great day!
Great post. I'm glad that even in the end, you were proven right by the fact that everything has gone downhill since you left.
Happy SITS day! Enjoy it
wow, I didn't think these sorts of things were still going on these days. Good for you though, your health and your family is the most important thing you have. People and companies like that don't see their employees as people, they see them as numbers so even if you had sued and were sucessful, chances are it would have been a minor blip on their page anyway. Sometimes they just have to take the hard fall to learn anything.
Happy SITS day!
[...] within the last few years has changed that. Something about the unfairness of the circumstances I faced during my pregnancy with my daughter. I embrace my sensitivity. I embrace my motherhood. I embrace my strength. I embrace my [...]
Good for you! Choosing your family… is always the best choice
Hugs to you
Gayle recently posted..The Newlywed Game and the Sunday Newspaper