Monday’s Muse – Mom Wars

Cat fights and cattiness. Bickering and downright b!#chiness. Let’s face it, women have a reputation for fighting each other down. In the stereotypical example, the cheating husband slinks off while the wife and the mistress battle it out. If you listen to the media, the battle is taking shape on a whole new front. It’s the Mom Wars.

Check out this CBS News Special Feature clip. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since I saw it last week, so I’ve made it this week’s Monday’s Muse topic.

Seems the media is having a field day playing up the “VERSUS” angle – Alpha vs Beta. I get why the “Alpha Mom” would have caught the spotlight. I get how interesting it is to look at moms who manage to be successful at both that fulltime Homemaker job, as well as the Office job. I mean for most people doing either well seems to be just about all we can handle. How DO they do it. It’s fascinating and worthwhile discussion. But now what you have is not “There’s a group of moms with another philosophy out there” but rather “Hey these other moms think the Alpha moms have it wrong”. Because reality TV’s taught us everything’s more exciting with a Showdown, hasn’t it? “Oh, and by the way, you moms out there join in too – take our quiz and see which mom you are!” Thanks, but I don’t need to know what category you think I should be pigeonholed into.

What are they missing? Well two things, really. There’s more than one way to parent. Duh, there’s more than TWO ways to parent. Each of us has nuances to our own personalities that are reflected in the way we parent. And the world is made up of more than 2 personality types. Even the TypeA/B personality test has a Type AB personality. There’s a lot more I can say on that, but that’s a whole new post.

VERSUS. Like it’s a boxing match.

The big thing for me, is in this – the blogging community. Moms are blogging more than ever before (I’ve been blogging for less than a month). And that’s got to say something. Here’s what it says to me – it says that there’s lots of us trying to figure out how to do it right. Not in some kind of template form, but as it comes. We want to catch our mistakes before it’s too late, to learn from the experiences of others, to have have an outlet where other people just get it. So we can stay sane and manage this parenting job the only way we know how – with our own individual “flavour”.

And that VERSUS. That’s not what I see here. I see lots of support. I see a community that encourages and doesn’t take advantage of the vulnerabilities that are put out there. At least that’s been my experience. Because it doesn’t matter that my house is a mess and yours is pristine. That’s not where our connection lies. Even the most perfect mom has an off day. And when you do, I got your back. And even though that mom over there feels like a failure on a daily basis, some days are just sent from heaven. And I got your back then too.

So here’s my take on the Mom Wars.

1: You want news? Tell me more about Beta moms. What did you find? What’s the motivation? Tell me about the moms in between and about the Type A girl, who’s turned out to be a Type B mom. And vice versa. But don’t try to make your news on the battle of the A’s against the B’s.

And 2: There’s no-one in the world who can relate to this job, except another mom. And we don’t have to be alike, or agree with each other, (heck we don’t even have to like each other) we can still connect on that level. Another something only moms will get.

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