Life isn’t always easy. We face challenges every day. At work. In relationships. You name it. And when you’re focused on trying really hard to achieve something, it’s easy to take it personally when things don’t go your way.
It’s someone else’s fault: “They” are out to get you. Or “they” never wanted to see you succeed.
Or it’s your fault: You just aren’t cut out for this. You’re too [fill in the blank]. Things just never seem to work out for “people like you”. You are just no good.
Each “no” takes a toll on your self esteem. A little or a lot, depending on your life experience.
But what are you going to do after the no? How do you make yourself move forward from here? And where do you go from here – do you change direction? Give up your goal?
We know what you’re supposed to do. You’re supposed to pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and keep on going. But do you really? Or do you head off just a little bit more cautiously, fending off the next fall before it’s even here?
When I was in college I learned a lot about how I deal with rejection. Or more importantly, the fear of rejection. I learned to build walls.
One of my on-campus jobs my freshman and sophomore years, was to call alumni and ensure that our files with their contact info were kept up to date. Easy right? Except that I have an accent. And some of our alumni are just downright rude. It wasn’t an American calling, and it’s fairly insignificant information being requested (is your address still… can you confirm our file data…), so it was easy to just slam down that phone. But every slam took it out of me. Some days I’d be in silent tears at my desk. I learned to make my accent less outstanding. And I spoke very little.
Many years have passed. I’ve returned home and I now find myself speaking to large groups often. I host training sessions, and address board meetings. I am not at all self-conscious. I have used my voice on behalf of those who have none. I have won victories. And I have been shut down. But either case, my head has been held high. It has not been easy. It has taken more than a decade to get to where I find myself today.
This is not about telling you what’s “right” – what the “right” thing to do is. Only you know what that is for you, in your specific circumstance. I just want to introduce you to Derrick. He’s an ex-convict trying to move forward shouldering the self-created burdens of his past. Caught off-guard on camera, he tells us what’s right for him.
Before you meet him, read excerpt from the blog (http://www.zarias.com/?p=440): ” I have been on a research path for two years to go in a direction that I was getting ready to launch in the next 60 days and with a few words from the sweet lips of my wife’s mouth I have just about scrapped that last two years of preparation to strike off into uncharted waters. I’m heading out to a place that I’ve heard plenty of stories about but I’ve yet to experience on my own. Plenty have gone before me but now it’s time for me to set sail with my own boat. Will it sail? Will it sink?
There is only one way to find out.
You are standing on the dock and you can always stand on that dock. Always. Or you can get in a boat and push off.”
If you find yourself on that dock right now, please watch this video by Zack Arias.
Nicole is outspoken, a mother of 3 and a bit of a nerd. Pushing 40, passionate about family, she lives in Trinidad & Tobago with her husband, pre-school daughter and 2 tween sons. Trying to master this parenting thing, this rebel has found her cause.
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